Week 5 Picks

My record on picks is such that even a 100% record on Week 5’s action won’t get me above .500 (currently rocking a 10-18...yesssss!); the match-ups below hardly inspire belief in a prognostication ace either. Still, baby steps...baby steps.

DC United v. New England Revolution (preview)
It seems impossible that DC will start the season 0-5-0, which logically points to them winning one of this weekend’s games. With Taylor Twellman on a poaching tear, the Revs look good for a goal; can’t say the same for DC - especially with New England’s strength up the middle. NEW ENGLAND WINS.

Kansas City Wizards v. Columbus Crew
Why do I see so much significance in this game (see here)? You got me. But I’m looking forward to this one, not least because it will give a better bead on either or both teams. If either side had a meaningful home-field edge, I’d have something with which to work. But this one’s a dart-board affair, as I see it: THE CREW WINS, mainly because I believe they’re good for it.

Real Salt Lake v. Red Bull New York
Formality. RED BULL WINS. If things go the other way, oh, how I will laugh. And laugh and laugh and laugh. I love jokes.
Aside: I only found out last weekend that RSL's home stadium is pronounced "eckels" as opposed to "ecklees." Go figure.

Colorado Rapids v. Houston Dynamo
Only a couple weeks ago, people would have laughed at me for calling this game for the Rapids. But who’s laughing now? Huh? Huh? Who’s laughing, tough guy? Sorry. Now that the 10-18 chip on my shoulder has spoken, it’s mainly the mile-high home-field thing and Houston’s punchless offense that prompts me to write: RAPIDS WIN.

DC United v. Chivas USA
As implied above, I think DC just can’t lose both of Week 5’s games. And, given what I think about tonight’s game, I’m kind of stuck calling a result here. For what it’s worth, I think this one will be a high-scoring hoot, with defensive breakdowns littering the field like so much sorry confetti. And yelling. I anticipate lots of angst and yelling. Fun, fun, fun. What the hell: DC UNITED WINS.

New England Revolution v. Chicago Fire
I also expect the fun to leave the room, oh, 2 p.m. PST. Still, I’ll be both shocked and delighted if this game ends with any score but a 1-0 or 0-0. Much as I want to confidently type out “Revs win” for this one, the reality is, Chicago has played some stiff opposition already this year and still boast a goose egg in the “L” column. And one of those wins came against the Revs. Still, home being home, the Revs being my time, but in the face of notes to myself about not betting with the ol’ blood pump, I’m throwing caution to the wind: REVS WIN. Now make it hold up, assholes.

Well, I'm off to lay down my marker for The Offside predictions league. In the first unwise decision of the second half of the week (don't ask about the first), I've decided to match my calls here with those over there. Put it this way: next weekend would have gone loads better if I tried that this week...naturally, this will bite me in the ass today...and take a chunk with it to boot.