Can Mexico Win Without Ref?

Alternately, is there a Spanish word for “shame?”

Courtesy of Mexico’s 1-0 win over Costa Rica, I spent Sunday afternoon yelling phrases containing the words, “you,” “cheating,” and “bitches” at my television. I haven’t read much on the game to this point - I can recall only Luis Bueno’s wrap up for Sports Illustrated - but read enough to know that the referee was American, Terry Vaughn. Bottom line: I have never seen a ref get played like Vaughan did on Sunday. That dude is blind, gullible, or corrupt - or some combination of all three.

Libel laws being what they are, I’ll shy away from the last of those.

Some observations on the game:

- What is missing from the Mexican game? They move the ball well enough, find and utilize space, and generally get themselves in dangerous places. The Mexican defense stands up well enough and, shockingly given what happens on the other side of the ball, plays fairly clean. So, why did it take them nearly 100 minutes (if not more) to break down a Costa Rican side that defended well, if a little desperately, while not causing too much trouble at the other end? The answer, off the top of my head, is trouble with the dreaded “final ball.”
- There’s also a predilection among Mexican players for dicking around with the ball - e.g. a flank player (say, Medina) will chase a ball down the flank and instead of playing a first-time ball, he’ll pull up, twist and turn in the corner for a while (prelude to sleeping?), pull up, putz around a little more....then drop the ball back down the line to another player. So much momentum went down the Mexican flanks only to die.
- I can’t put my finger on the moment when the Mexicans stopped playing soccer to focus on conning the ref, but that might have come not long after Vaughn ejected a Costa Rican player (Aleman) for DISSENT?! Look, nothing short of producing a photo of his mother fucking a horse while his grandmother spanks her butt should bring Vaughn to a second yellow. And given the way he allowed players from both sides to crowd and hector him all day, I can’t imagine why Aleman’s behavior stood out...barring that photograph, that is.
- While looking into how to spell Terry Vauhgn’s name, I came across an article featuring Costa Rican coach Hernan Medford suggesting a conspiracy to get the U.S. and Mexico to square off. Well, Hernan, can’t say I blame you. I was a neutral and I'm struggling to find an explanation for Vaughn's officiating.
- In any case, the Mexicans proceeded to milk Vaughn’s bottomless gullibility/vision impairment for all it was worth. Is it any friggin’ wonder American refs don’t go to the World Cup? Would you want Terry Vaughn calling your game? Are you fucking crazy?
- In terms of the worst bit of Mexican fakery, I’m torn between the player who play acted a head-butt from a Costa Rican - which, naturally, Vaughn and the linesman bought - and Cuauhtemoc Blanco parlaying the slightest touch to his shoulder to the Hammer of Thor smiting on his face. I think I’ll go with the head-butt, seeing as that resulted in the second sending off for Costa Rica.
- Whether they deserved it or not, I was praying for a Costa Rican equalizer, then rout. Simple justice demanded no less.
- Not surprisingly, I’m hoping that Guadeloupe not only pounds the holy, humiliating shit out of Mexico in the semis, but that every Mexican players’ shorts simultaneously fall to their ankles at or around the 65th minute.
- I’m expecting neither to happen, but would gladly take a Meatballs-style shorts-rip and would pay (in installments) any resultant fines leveled against Guadeloupe.