I Hate Beckham for Making Me Write This

“What I am saying is that the [David Beckham] media blitz is going to bring new meaning to the term overkill.”
- Ives Galarcep, Soccer by Ives, 07.13.07

That’s precisely what has me feeling a bit of ambivalence about adding to the frenzy - and that goes double with Posh in tow, who, the more I see of her, gives the impression that we’ve imported a second Paris Hilton...as if the first one wasn’t enough (I mean, look at her hamming in the damned silly photo on Galarcep’s post; I’m embarrassed for her). ESPN’s “front page” alone (which, sadly, will be gone by the end of the weekend at the latest) carries an image sufficiently over-the-top to tip my lunch “over-the-top” of my throat.

There’s good stuff and bad being written about Beckham’s arrival, some welcoming, some worried, and all shades of opinion in between. I’ll spare you from the jottings of soccer-hating meatheads, who predict this will be still another flash in the pan; they won’t admit defeat if the MLS Players’ Union bought the goddamn NFL and made them grounds-keepers at the local soccer-specific. But a guy named John Smallwood wrote an intelligent deflation of the Beckham hype for the Philadelphia Enquirer; contrary opinions defending Beckham the player, as well as Beckham the commodity, are pretty easy to come by, though. Hell, you can even find man-on-the-street quotes saying Beckham will be the Galaxy’s best player after Landon Donovan - which is just classic. I love my country sometimes.

With all the things being written, I have to confess that it was Frank Dell’Appa’s column for ESPN that provided the inspiration for me joining this orgy of speculation. His piece contained two of the more subtly novel talking points I’ve seen in all this; maybe that kind of clarity results when people keep asking you about what you think of Beckham's arrival. First, from the business perspective, Dell’Appa writes:

“Several high-powered potential investors are watching MLS closely, and some will be in Commerce City when the MLS All-Star team meets Celtic on Thursday. Their names are not Tom Cruise, but these are people whose transactions are found in the financial sections of newspapers, the ones who make most of their moves behind the scenes. And they are intrigued by MLS' possibilities.”

We all know about the people looking into buying Chicago, but it's the choice of the word “several” that catches the eye in that it implies still more people are looking. The news on the Chicago sale is interesting enough (are they investing to make home money or merely diversifying for shits-and-giggles?), but hints of wider interest are something else again. Without names being attached to teams, Dell’Appa’s assertion just kind of hangs there, to be sure, but that kind of talk gets one daydreaming.

But it was something Dell’Appa said about Beckham the player that really struck me, something I hadn’t, in all the months of thinking and reading about this, properly considered:

“And if Beckham stumbles, unable to cruise through an MLS opponent's tough tackling, barbed-wire midfield, it could reflect well on the league's level of play. Either way, people will be watching the league, analyzing it, regarding U.S. soccer on its own terms.”

For all the scenarios I considered in which Beckham flopped, this little upside never occurred to me. Beckham flopping could actually be a good thing? Well, don’t that beat all...

What do I think of all this? As someone who has followed soccer in the States since the early 1990s, I can safely say the scale and - this is crucial - the durability of the Beckham hype is like nothing I’ve seen before; the only thing that came close was the warm, fuzzy, yet brief embrace of the U.S. Women’s after the 1999 Women’s World Cup. I have to say that I don’t know that I like all this attention. Maybe it’s only because we have to hear Rob Stone say “Beckham” twelve times a minute, as he did in last night’s Primetime game; that was fucking ridiculous and I sincerely hope it never happens again. Then again, maybe it’s only because all this attention and all this hoopla surrounds just one player; maybe if the elevated chatter talked about the league, or even soccer, as a whole, I wouldn’t mind so much.

Whatever I think, it’s happening. And it’s not like I’m going to stop watching to get away from the hype. I mean, I’m going to watch the (damned) World Series of Soccer, whoops, Football next weekend just to see what Beckham looks like. So, try as I may, I’m clearly not immune. Off we go into the Wild Brit Yonder, right?

Finally - and I feel like an a-hole for burying this, ‘cause it made me laugh out loud when I read it - Laurie, from the inimitable LA Galaxy Offside, wrote up her thoughts after taking in the televised screening of Beckham’s Big Reveal. It’s full of good stuff - so, do go read the whole thing - but none of them topped this passage, which described the comments offered by LA Galaxy GM Alexi Lalas:

“– Lalas thanks the team, the “Galaxy family.” Because hell, yeah, I know I sell off my kids and buy new ones when they start to bore me.”

And, with that, I’ll anxiously wait to see what Beckham can do on Major League Soccer’s fields.

Top 5, 07.11: Lalas Responds*; Great v. Good; Johnson Flying Away?

* To be clear, LA Galaxy GM did not, in any way, respond directly to anything written in this space...I think he only goes after the Brits...

- May as well lead with Alexi: Mark Ziegler spent some time with both Lalas and LA head coach, Frank Yallop - though probably not in the same room. Ziegler got some quotes that might explain the apparent spazzing in LA to the outside world:

“'There is the conventional wisdom that you ride the storm out and let things settle, and certainly there's a time and place for that,' Lalas says. 'But we didn't think this was the time or place for that.'"

“'We wanted to identify players who we felt would enjoy and be able to perform in a high pressure situation,' Lalas says. 'It doesn't necessarily mean it's the best player. It's a very specific type of player we need. We need players who are strong mentally, who can withstand the pressure of playing with eyes of the world on them.'”

Thanks, Alexi. We'll take that under advisement out here....still looks like spazzing....

- Speaking of LA, Jay Hutcherson of USSoccerplayers.com had a thing or two to say about how he views LA thus far (can't link to anything but the general address for Hutcherson's blog...still waiting on permalinks for the site's blogs):

"It's odd watching a team in obvious transition. The Galaxy don't play as a unit. Half the team operates as if they have no clue what to expect, and this didn't suddenly happen - the result of too many trades and an off night in Virginia."

"Maybe this is the step too far, or at least too soon, turning the Galaxy into the touring version of the Cosmos revisited minus the depth. How does this team plus added superstar concentrate on league and exhibition schedules when they can't keep it together for 90 minutes?"

This is what the Alexi-era has wrought. A good thing?

- OK, one more LA thing, then I'll leave it alone. Someone, anyone, please for the love of a god who supports things good and decent and doesn't take live puppies for sacrifice, please tell me that the logo that Mike H posted on My Soccer Blog is not the Galaxy's new, official logo. That is more than "a little Star Trek-inspired." That is a sign they'll be sporting 90s-themed body suits by 2010.

- A line written by Ken Pendleton in his celebration of Adu hits on something massive:

"Moments of inspiration are often what separates the winners from the losers at the highest level. Good tactics and hard work are not always enough. You have to have players who can do something unorthodox or unexpected, like Adu did to set up the winning goal against Brazil. He received the ball from a throw-in with his back to the goal and two defenders closing in. Most coaches would have instructed their players to make the simple pass back to the person who made the throw-in (Zizzo), or to try to win a corner by knocking the ball off one of the markers, but Adu opened up the Brazilian defense because he had the audacity to try to beat both markers by playing keepie-uppie."

This same notion has been rattling around my head for a while now and I'd take it one step farther: the simple pass is always there, or nearly always at least, plain as day to everyone in the stands; but, as much as it means to winning, the aesthetic side matters too. I mean, we watch the game to see players do these things; they're paid to play because they can do those things and that's why we pay to watch professional athletes. This stuff is huge.

On a related point, I move that we start referring to Adu simply as "Adu." I don't care whether you think he deserves it or not; we're free to crown our icons on our own terms. Who's with me! Huzzah!!

- Crap...rambling...sorry. This last one's quick: MLS Underground reported a rumor that England's Derby County (that's the right name, isn't it?) wants to sign Kansas City's Eddie Johnson. They can have him. Maybe it'll help...but I'd recommend strongly against holding your breath.

"Fire Alexi" Post Redux

I don't know much about blogging, but I do know that when I walk away from something I posted and keep thinking of better ways to make my point that I posted a bunch of gibberish.

As much as I like bits and pieces of my original post on the reported chilly tiff between LA Galaxy GM Alexi Lalas and LA head coach Frank Yallop, here's another, shorter, better (peanut-butter sandwich cookie) crack at it.

Santino Quaranta, a player deemed either surplus or irrelevant to requirements in LA, ain't exactly a neutral observer, but the fire-sale mentality seizing the Galaxy front office is there for all to see. Further, something clearly isn't right in LA's half of the Home Depot Center. After the players - who normally don't get cut down like the loose women in horror movies as they are now - the likeliest culpable parties include the general manager, who stocks the team with players, or the coach, who decides which of said players hit the field on game day and it what formation, etc.

Regarding Lalas and Yallop, one of these men has a record to boast of, while the other does not: Yallop has two titles with San Jose, while Lalas has two stints in the GM position, one with the MetroStars and the current gig with LA, in which he proved better at moving personnel than building a competitive roster. Given that, it seems likelier that Lalas is the problem...an impression backed up by the player merry-go-round he has currently set on "dizzy." By the time the old players get on the same page as the new players, newer ones replace them. At this rate, LA will "know itself" some time around Week 25. That doesn't seem like a bbq recipes for success, never mind a situation in which a coach can operate.

Anyway, that's all I wanted to say in the original. You'll find links and a couple decent phrases in there, but that's about it.

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End Scene with Lalas Emptying His Desk

When Ives Galarcep posted chatter about a rift between LA Galaxy head coach Frank Yallop and general manager Alexi Lalas, at least one interested party quickly picked up on the story. My Soccer Blog directed me to the latest comments from Santino Quaranta, who had a thing or two to say what things looked like during his time in LA - who, if you'll recall (and I can't find the original article) was once quoted just days before being traded as viewing LA's locker room something like freaked-out.

Now, just because I once called Lalas "a tool" some may suggest I'm biased against the man. Not at all - and I did leave out the word "gigantic." The main thing is, I find Lalas useful in the same way as the reflectors on my pedals keep me from getting hit by cars at night: he's good for getting people's attention and that's about it. He's only GM material in the sense that he doesn't mind being a bastard.

Still, given where they sit in the standings, it's hard to say things are going well for LA. Perhaps Yallop is part of the problem - though his record in San Jose, which was good enough to get him hired as head coach to Canada's national team, argues against that. Perhaps it's the instability, something that might grow from the panicked atmosphere Quaranta describes and the trading at a pace that reminds me of my (extremely high-risk, often-wretched pay-out) approach to Monopoly.

In other words, if sides must be taken in this one (and, clearly, they don't), I'm on Yallop's. My advice: fire Alexi, let the team settle down a bit, and see what happens. (I'm not a cruel man, though. Lalas' provocateur schtick would do so well in a column; in fact, I think that's his calling (though would Greg Lalas view this as his brother muscling into his turf?). Worst case, hand the man some plastic bags, dress him down a bit and have him yell his opinions at heavily-trafficked street corners. Oh, fine...you can pay him for it.)

Toward the end of his post, Galarcep gets into what might happen if LA fails to make the playoffs. Galarcep figures both men would be vulnerable, though I'd like to think just Alexi would go, seeing as so much of the mess in LA coincided with his watch. But the more interesting question is what happens if the Galaxy does make the playoffs. Would Ghosts of the 2005-06 Off-Season lead to a renewed round of spazzing or would the front office stand pat as they so fatefully did back then?

With Alexi at the wheel, I'm seeing more spazzing. I think it's all the man knows how to do.

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Junk-Drawer, 06.25: Starting "Clavijo Watch" etc.

Rounding up some odds and ends from today...at least those not involving the Gold Cup....

- Maybe this is my chagrin at Colorado's play on Sunday morning talking, but a switch flipped in my head telling me that Fernando Clavijo will be the next coaching casualty in MLS ranks - or, rather, that he should be. It seems drew epperley at WVHooligan is also thinking about coaching hot seats, though his #1 is different (and no less justified) than mine. But, yeah, I'd be baying for pink slips if I were a Colorado fan.

- LA Soccer News reveals that the blown calls in Canada's semifinal against the U.S. still sting in some quarters. I can't say I blame 'em...even if I'm happy we went on to win.

- I don't think it's "official" yet - at least not in the sense of appearing on MLSnet.com - but it looks like Santino Quaranta will indeed move away from the ocean and into the American Heartland with a trade to the Kansas City Wizards. I'm not a Wizards fan, but can't say this would excite me if I were.

- If you want anecdotal evidence that Mexican fans second Alexi Lalas' tirade against the English Premier League, well, here you go.

- Finally, hats off to the Offside Rules for posting the best single item I've seen all day. Chivas fans - or at least the touchy ones - are advised to avoid the above link.

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What Alexi Said...

Do I really want to do this? Mmmm....maybe...yeah...all right. Let's get it over with.

Any American soccer fan (and probably a fair chunk of the English ones) who does not live inside a cardboard box in the middle of their living room knows by now what Los Angeles Galaxy GM Alexi Lalas said about the English Premier League (EPL) and Major League Soccer's (MLS) quality relative to it (if you don't, here you go). And, yes, Lalas said some silly things as he is wont to do; not surprisingly, Lalas' comments propagated a slew of equally silly comments in response. And, here I am, chucking one more silly comment on this raging bonfire of inanity...(don't blame me; I didn't lower the threshold for publishing into the public sphere - I'm pretty sure that was god - me, I'm just exploiting it):

Who cares what the Brits think about the American game? Seriously. We owe them one, solitary debt when it comes to soccer: the creation of the game. OK, they get bonus points for spreading it (though someone once told me it was the Scots who invented the forward pass...whoops, a Scot is a Brit...moving on....). After that, they're just one other team in the world and we'll find out who is better next time we play them. Maybe someday their clubs will meet ours in a setting that is in some way meaningful, etc. All in all, it's pretty simple: you can tell which league is better by what they do on the field.

Moving on to some of the specifics:

Is the EPL an "inferior product"?: I say yes, though the first question that follows is "inferior to what?" I'll address the competitiveness angle below, but I find the league boring because, not only do the same few teams always win, but there's also very little change in who is meaningfully competitive. And, from an aesthetic point of view, I don't find the sometimes-skilled (depends on the player) hyper-drive spazzing of the EPL all that fun to watch. But that's how I get my kicks. Others like what they like and, eventually, the market - TV, tickets, etc. - will decide which is "better." But in terms of dollar-value across the 20 team EPL, I'd say the collected fans of, oh, 14 EPL teams get the shaft week-in and out due to the competitive imbalance in the EPL. Even the goddamn FA Cup is going stale.

MLS players wouldn't "miss a beat" in the EPL?: Had Alexi not said this, his comments would have been entirely uncontroversial - or, rather, they should have been. For what it's worth, if an all-MLS team containing as many players and available reserves as the EPL average transplanted to England for a season, I think they'd hover right around mid-table. In this little fantasy, we're talking about a team featuring the league's best; I'm guessing an expanded, average-quality MLS team would fight the drop all season. So, in this sense, I think it's fair to admit the EPL isn't inferior...

Anyway, there's some concern the Brits might laugh at us Americans via Alexi. Eh, so what? We dragged them into an endless war...like to see them top that...

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