What Is Beckham?

"David Beckham's not here just to play soccer," said David Flores, who wore an England jersey and made a five-hour drive from San Antonio with two friends. "He's here to sell the league. He should have come with the team just to wave to the crowd and everybody would have understood."

"I understand why he's not playing," Jessica [Anderson] said. "But he's making $250 million to be an ambassador. Why can't he sit on the bench?"
- LA Daily News, 7.31.07 (LINK)

Not to get all existentialist on you, but what is David Beckham? A player? A commodity? Or, as Jessica Anderson put it, an ambassador? Just to throw out two answers to those questions, along with another question: not yet; yes; and, well, should he be?

To begin, there’s a kind of genius to Jessica’s point. With the fallout continuing (even Perez Hilton is getting in on this one) after the Galaxy’s (wise) decision to let Beckham stay at home for the Los Angeles Galaxy’s Superliga tie against FC Dallas, she asks a fair question. How many people went to see FC Dallas in the same spirit as they would cruise Rodeo Drive - e.g. rubber-necking after stars? If just seeing the man is enough, what’s the harm in sitting him on the bench and letting him wave, sign autographs, etc. - even if he’s not playing?

Dammit...more questions...time to move to answers.

I think we can judge Beckham as a brand - e.g. a commodity - at this point: he has been a success, even allowing for the short-term disappointment in Dallas. And with outlets as weird as Access Hollywood and Entertainment Tonight helping to build the brand with a series of fluffy-happy pieces (caught another one last night; don’t ask...OK, we hadn’t switched to Jeopardy yet), that success looks set to continue. But that dives headlong into a familiar question: does that kind of press have Anna-Nicole-style stamina, or is this more of a Paula-Abdul-on-pills flash-in-the-pan?

Given how the size, and, more significantly, the nature of the hype, I’m even beginning to wonder if Beckham even have to play all that well; I mean, will people fascinated by his connection to TomKat even grok when he’s phoning it in? But, I do believe that, at some point, Beckham has to do what he’s here to do - e.g. play the game. At some point, even total ignorance of the sport among the relevant slice of the population won’t cover the fact he’s just standing and waving at the crowd. I mean, even Paris Hilton feels compelled to record a single, right? In some ways, then, I think the ambassador thing is a road traveled for only the shortest distance...and I think, with this weekend’s game in Toronto, we’re as far down there as we want to go.

Turning to the player theme, there’s something about the pressure for Beckham to play that rides the ridge of off-putting and tilts a bit to the alarming side. The day he played in the friendly against Chelsea, a shift in the kind of commodity he was occurred: he went from “brand” to slab of meat. My “mind’s ear” heard echoes of “Dance, Monkey!” That’s kind of the scary side of all this. There are times when I see how Beckham is constantly surrounded by unfamiliar humans doing interviews and photo shoots or being generally pawed, ogled and photographed by the hoi polloi, when I think he’s heard the voice telling him to dance so many times that the response is automatic. He’ll never live up to expectations, so it’s probably lucky that he won’t have to - though that assumes I’m correct on that.

Turning from Beckham “The Whatever the Hell He Is” to what he means to Major League Soccer after he’s gone, one effect already seems in place - though it’s fair to question the extent to which Beckham served as cause. Does anyone remember a year with as many new, mid- (think Juan Pablo Angel) to high- (think Blanco) interest players coming into the league? In a sense, those signings are the red blood cells of professional athletics: it’s the low of a mediocre season trumped by the high of seeing the next New Hope for changing things embodied in this forward or that midfielder. That’s what keeps people coming back: the little changes in personnel, tactics, etc. that promises, if not better things to come, something different at least. Maybe Beckham signing opened the door for all those signings. Maybe Beckham’s less of a player, a commodity, or an ambassador, than he is a lure - though not in the sense I had once believed.

Then again, maybe it was the designated player rule that did all this. I mean, look at all the friggin’ green cards in this league. Maybe all it took was a means of avoiding a massive pay-cut for the apparent appeal of living in the States to pay off.

Any thoughts on this?

Superliga: Semis and Non-Aggression Pacts

We now know the semifinal pairings for the inaugural edition of the Superliga - the LA Galaxy will host DC United, while the Houston Dynamo picked up a tasty rematch against CF Pachuca - but, for whatever reason, I'm still sitting here pondering alternate realities.

Did the possibility of Club America and Monarcas Morelia playing to the required result to see Morelia through to the Superliga semifinals occur to anyone else? Y’know, a bit of Mexican solidarity in a tournament against Los Gringos? As a few noted, this was entirely possible, especially with DC United’s loss to Houston.

Things didn’t turn out that way, of course. But if you’ve ever played Risk and decided to sacrifice yourself in order to gang up on the player a) for whom you and another player share a deep hatred, or b) against whom you are excessively competitive, I’m confident you understand the impulse.

Ah, the way this would have recalled the “squalid non-aggression pact” between Austria and West Germany in the 1982 World Cup (you'll find a brief, unsatisfying discussion in the "first round" section here; I think I picked up "squalid non-aggression pact" from the World Cup 1982 video).

Would it have been sleazy? Yes. Would I have quietly applauded? Yeah...but that’s probably because I can’t think of a game of Risk, Monopoly, Hearts, etc. in which I didn’t play in this same spirit.

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The Night Superliga Became Super (Video +)

The only bad thing to say about last night’s eleven goal barn-burner between FC Dallas and the Los Angeles Galaxy in Frisco, Texas was that it would have been better had this been a Major League Soccer (MLS) team facing a Mexican club. After that, it’s all pretty happy....well, unless you tally up the injuries large and small picked up by FC Dallas players. Or if you’re a fan of competent defending.

Speaking of, if you haven’t seen the highlights, they’re well worth the gander. Though people made anxious by loose marking and nearly-free headers would be wise to skip ‘em.



Naturally, any game that cranked out goals in patches produces a slew of talking points, not least because, as Dan Loney wrote, this one had "everything but defense." But nothing is getting attention like Landon Donovan’s “throat-slashing” celebration after scoring the Los Angeles Galaxy’s fifth goal. One doesn’t have to travel too widely to find a range of opinion, from Buzz Carrick’s shocked and appalled, through Sideline Views’ toleration, to MLS Underground’s salute to controversy (and there’s more chatter still in the comments field).

As for me, put me in the "half-Carrick" camp: shocked, but not appalled. My wife can attest to the fact I was shocked; my jaw, literally, dropped when I saw it, not least because I remember the hub-bub this, um, practice created in the NFL. I suspect Donovan will get fined and I’m OK with that too; the league ought to support correct behavior, at least to a point (one that shouldn’t, as I see it, extend to calling the refs idiots when warranted). In the end, though, I’m also not all that bothered; I don’t care about the little publicity it generates, questions of class, etc. Fine him and any other player who does the throat-slash thing (and, while you’re at it, ditch the fine for taking off the shirt) and move on.

Turning to the game, though, several points of interest abound, not a few of them dealing with the long-term implications of either team surrendering five or six goals. Potent as Dallas’ offense may be - especially with Carlos Ruiz looking like he’s getting warm over the past few games - but an LA revival won’t take place with a back four playing that loose. To use Arturo Alvarez’ two goals as examples: the first, a free and clear header, speaks for itself, but the second, which went past a defensive bunker with no less than three baffled defenders as a forward guard, well, that was just pathetic. Seeing as the other three were only marginally better, and seeing as LA allowed 25 shots on goal on the night, let's just say the Road to Success runs in the opposite direction.

Going the other way, last night seemed like Dallas’ answer to the vote of confidence in their defense offered in yesterday’s post on which teams will make the playoffs. Clearly, Dallas is where faith goes to be utterly destroyed, if not defiled.

On a more positive, and LA-centric, note, one has to wonder if this win won’t be the kind of catalyst for LA that the Columbus Crew’s dramatic 3-3 tie versus the New England Revolution turned out to be for the Ohio team (I mean, look at what followed). That’s a big question at this point and, unlike early this season, we should have our answer shortly. Turning to Dallas, this only looks like the same script amplified; this team can score and win, but can they stop being their own worst enemies? That’s no small question either. In fact, there could be an MLS Cup riding on it.

Superliga: WTF!?

Has the "watch it live on MLSnet.com" thing worked out for anyone when it comes to Superliga? I have looked for every friggin' game to this point and cannot, for the life of me, figure out where the hell to go.

To given an example, there's this impressive banner on one side of this web-page that reads, "Watch every Superliga match LIVE [ed. - and it's glowing] exclusively on Telefutura and MLSnet.com." So, I click the little yellow "Watch Now!" button and - poof! - there I am on the extremely subpar Superliga site, which is dotted with old highlight reels and nothing I'm seeing that would allow for live viewing.

So...um....help? How and where do I go to make the live feed work? I'm not having much luck, any in fact. I'd go so far as to say I'm feeling like an FC Dallas "acquaintance," who bought higher-priced tickets to tonight's Superliga game just for the privilege of seeing the empty space on the LA Galaxy bench where David Beckham would have placed those golden cheeks in a kinder world.

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MLS: Week 17 to the Playoffs!

Help! I’ve tripped and fallen off the MLS info-treadmill! I'm working on getting back on, but it turns out one little weekend away may as well be a month. Maybe that’s what has me feeling all Big-Picture-y right now - e.g. thinking about future prospects more than past results, hence the semi-predictive post. I’ll get to that below, but would feel like a total hack if I didn’t acknowledge the power rankings and power tools of the pundits who didn’t take off Week 17.

ESPN
My Soccer Blog
MLS Underground (reporting from new digs)
WVHooligan

So, there’s some substance for you. Now for the Crystal Ball Fluff: what follows is my sense of which MLS teams are headed up or down in the standings and which will hold their current position, good or bad.

For the record, I tried to copy/paste the standings from MLSnet.com and, good Lord, can that be dubbed a failed experiment. Still, I’ll take the teams in the order in which they appear, with East going before West.

EASTERN CONFERENCE

1) New England - HOLDING HIGH: The win over Real Salt Lake was borderline unwatchable, but with each returning starter, or each starter returning to health, the Revs will improve just that little bit.

2) Kansas City - A WOBBLING HOLD: I think the Wizards will improve their defense. If it doesn’t - and I say this as an admirer for what he’s trying to do - it’s on Kurt Onalfo for failing to adjust. Could really go either way.

3) Red Bull - DOWN: Unless talk of reinforcements come true, I think these cats’ best days are behind them. Blame this walk through the Valley of Mediocrity on a slow, old midfield. With how tight things are in the East, missing the playoffs could happen.

4) Columbus Crew - HOLD/INCH UP: I think Columbus will not only make the playoffs, but they’ll do so before the final weekend of the season.

5) DC United - UP: Starting to sputter again after that May/June resurrection; a good, solid team, but not a complete one. Still a smart bet for the playoffs, but I can’t see them going deep when things get serious.

6) Chicago Fire - UP: I’m sold on the “attacking triangle” of Blanco, Wanchope, and the Return of Chris Rolfe (in the link, see the second blurb after the main article). Speaking of Blanco, I haven’t heard or seen a bad thing; in fact, I’m reading superlatives.

7) Toronto FC - HOLD: And that’s bad. TFC has enjoyed a proud start to franchise history and I hope like hell they keep it up. But, the playoffs? Not this season.

WESTERN CONFERENCE

1) Houston Dynamo - HOLDING HIGH: I’m really hoping against a repeat of last year’s MLS Cup...and I’m a New England fan. But Houston just looks rock-friggin’-solid, so I won't mind if they make it.

2) FC Dallas - HOLDING HIGH: I’m sold. Damn them. I’m sold. In spite of showing continued vulnerability at the back, FCD is better than your average MLS team. And I think they’re going to keep improving at the back - to the extent they become a title threat.

3) Chivas USA - DOWN: Even as they are the fifth best team in the league, something about these guys feels thin. At the same time, I view this as the call I’m most likely to get wrong.

4) Colorado Rapids - DROP: Even with hints of the “thug act” returning - even Mehdi Ballouchy is trying to fit in with the new guys, however badly - this team looks like crap. Retaining head coach Fernando Clavijo is insulting at this point, so much that I’m going with calling them the Colorado Stupids, a name I love for its juvenile tone.

5) Los Angeles Galaxy - UP: Ignore the 14-point gap separating them from Chivas USA and focus on the 12-point gap between them and Columbus. Between their 4-6 games-in-hand camouflage and the gridlock in the East, count LA the team most likely to force an even split between the conferences come playoff time. An implosion is definitely possible, but I wouldn’t count on it....even as I pray for it and Alexi Lalas’ resultant unemployment...

6) Real Salt Lake - HOLDING IN HELL: Climbing the Ladder put it brilliantly in a post about all-time streaks of various kinds: “RSL + futility = BFF.” I read their on the verge of signing a lot of players, but I also think they’re good candidates for worst in league history.

So...when the playoffs roll around, who do I think will make it and where?

Eastern Top Two: New England Revolution, Kansas City Wizards
Western Top Two: Houston Dynamo, FC Dallas

The Rest: Columbus Crew, Chivas USA, DC United...and, to go miles out on a limb, let's say the Los Angeles Galaxy dukes it out with the Chicago Fire for the last spot. And, with Steve Davis' caveat about LA's schedule acknowledged (something about 14 of the remaining 18 on the road, with lots of Thursday/weekend turn-arounds; but is that correct? not based on the schedule on MLSnet.com, where I'm counting 11), LA gets more games against the West's, um, "lesser lights." Given that, and with an eye on Chicago's East-heavy schedule, it says here, from way, way out here on the thinnest tip of the loneliest limb, LA makes the playoffs. And they do it by beating the Fire on the final day of the season. Nice.

First, Live Beckham Shirt Sighting

I know I'm supposed to be on hiatus, but something unique prompted a quick check-in.

Last night, while attending the Hillsboro, Oregon Tuesday Farmer's Market, I spotted my first David Beckham LA Galaxy jersey. Not that interesting, one might say, but the context is significant. To begin, when one sees a soccer shirt in Hillsboro, it will be a Mexican club teams 80 times out of 100; 19 times out of 100, it will be a Mexican National team jersey; I once saw someone wearing a generic Chicago Fire jersey, which resulted in a day-long meditation on how the hell such things happen. The crucial thing is, Mexican clubs rule Hillsboro; you may get Euro clubs' jerseys in Portland, but not in Hillsboro.

The second point of interest was the person wearing it and where she chose to wear it. The girl in question was a high school student, a white, "chunky-athletic" brunette whose general appearance suggested neither nerd nor princess; more accurately, she looked determinedly normal, as in she didn't have the appearance of one looking to set high-risk trends. And that brings us to the occasion: the Tuesday market is kind of Hillsboro's "big night out." The place is crawling with packs of teenagers, out on the town to see and be seen.

Here's how I put it all together: a young girl gets dressed up to go hang out with her friends in a decidedly high-traffic area, and one crawling with her peers; given that, she must, on some level, think a Beckham jersey is cool. Whether her statement was love of the game (doubtful), love of the player (more likely), or love of the shirt as an accessory, someone out my way thinks this whole Beckham-thing is pretty hip.

I call that evidence that the whole master-plan continues to work as intended....so far at least....

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Of SJ (congrats, I think) & LA

I'm sure everyone who cares enough has posted about Major League Soccer (MLS) returning to San Jose for 2008 - and that's good for a lot of reasons, as laid out by Ian Plenderleith in his space on USSoccerplayers.com. You can also get a pretty good "wise-guy" background on how this all came together - most notably, the waiver of the soccer-stadium clause - from Jonah Freedman's latest for Sports Illustrated. (Whoops...second latest; the a-hole turned out something on John Terry that, no doubt, doesn't interest me; and "wise-guy" is a compliment.)

Count me thrilled with the league getting to 14 teams, welcome back San Jose (you're coming to Portland for the Open Cup), and all that, but one notion that kept recurring in San Jose area write-ups on the deal (like this one) appears in the discussions of where a San Jose team will play until they get their stadium built:

"Instead, the source said, the team will divide its 15 home games between two sites - McAfee Coliseum in Oakland for top-caliber foes such as the Los Angeles Galaxy with icon David Beckham, and a smaller facility for more routine opponents."

Did the parts in bold have anyone else squinting their eyes and saying, "suck what, now?" Beckham-mania will wear off at some point - a point before San Jose finishes their stadium, I'm guessing - which makes it worth examining that word "top-caliber" currently being applied to the Galaxy. Turning to last night and LA's first game in the World Series of Inanity and Profit, here are some descriptive passages:

"It's not good," [LA Galaxy head coach Frank Yallop] said. "It's not good. I think we were very nervous, to be quite honest. I think we were very — how can I say it? — scared to get on the ball and scared to make a mistake."

[SNIP]

"Former Galaxy player Mauricio Cienfuegos, who was a midfield key in the days when the Galaxy threw fear into the opposition, said it appeared that the current team has no heart.

[SNIP]

"The Galaxy players, with Beckham in the room, were told in no uncertain terms what Yallop thought of their performance. The offense was virtually nonexistent and the defense was stumbling blindly in the dark."

[SNIP]

"The heart and the desire and the determination should be there every game and it just wasn't tonight," [Galaxy midfielder Kyle] Martino said. "Everyone needs to go home and kind of look in the mirror and really do some soul-searching."

If this were a unusually poor performance, well, that'd be something. But go back and read what was said by various LA players and officials after the losses to Columbus and the Richmond Kickers and you'll see familiar themes; hell, the Martino quote matches something Landon Donovan said after the Kickers' loss almost verbatim. Sucking looks like the steady state for this bunch. Doesn't the appellation "super club" take more than Alexi Lalas' blessing?

Am I bitter? No. I'm a little nervous is all. The league put a lot of eggs in the Beckham basket and the current Galaxy team is like a slop of horse manure amid all the dyed eggs and chocolate bunnies.

Week 15 Power Rankings & Standings

Feels like I haven’t done one of these in ages. As it turns out, though, I just tweaked the format a bit last week. No matter. Back to the old schtick this week: last week’s ranking appears in parentheses immediately after this week’s ranking. So as to not misrepresent my judgment as entirely first-hand, here’s a key for my viewing: “@” means I watched a given team’s most recent performance in its entirety; “$” means I caught it through Quick Kicks, which provides extended highlights; “%” means I watched only the rump highlights available through MLSnet.com.

If you pay attention to the symbols, you may notice that I didn’t watch all that closely this week. So, take what comes below with however much salt you think you need.

1. (1) Houston Dynamo (1/2 of @ + nada)
Sure, they were stymied at home by Toronto, but that’s looking like Houston’s version of an off-game. The only question - it is was posed by Shep Messing, so, y’know, there’s the source to consider - is whether this team has peaked too early. Personally, I doubt it.

2. (2) New England Revolution (@)
I’m officially waiting for this team - my team, for Crissakes! - to start losing, so they can end the Steve Nicol Era. SO hard to watch: ugly function, zero flair. The wins are nice, but...wake me up when it’s over. Nice goal by Dorman, however, and the win over Red Bull was as important as it was dull.

3. (4) FC Dallas (@)
Damn these guys. They have me believing they’ve grown out of their crippling anxieties about success. That rally was about as fun as anything I’ve seen this year and, between Juan Toja, Arturo Alvarez, Dario “Lurch” Sala, and that cardiac-watch defense, they’re fun to watch. Can I adopt this team? Please?

4. (3) DC United (@)
By the end of the first half against FC Dallas - when they were finishing counters as if they were lay-ups - I had lifted the Black-and-Red to 2nd in the rankings in my head. Thing was, Dallas always looked in the game; they had the better of it even. And that’s the rub: the more exposed DC’s back-line became, the more the whole team suddenly looked weak and uncertain. They're better than the bunch below, however.

5. (5) Kansas City Wizards (%)
Nice finish by Johnson, and nice edge in shots on goal, but that counts as the least inspiring win of the season (wait; withdrawn; there’s New England’s to consider). That was RSL, guys.

6. (7) Columbus Crew (nada)
The reports on this game led me to give the Crew the benefit of the doubt. This sounded like a fluky loss to MLS’s best home team (best on paper, anyway). This weekend’s game against Toronto looms large, though.

7. (6) Chivas USA (nada)
They have a formula - win at home - and that’s working OK for them, but it won’t secure them home-field advantage in the post-season. Based on the formula, that's soemthing they'll require to make much noise. And relying on an own goal to top a team like the Crew doesn’t paint a solid picture.

8. (10) Toronto FC (nada)
If this isn’t the highest I’ve rated Toronto, it’s close. But this team has something lacking in those that follow: shit-kicking moxie. They fight. And last weekend’s draw at Houston suggests they may be savvy as well.

9. (8) Red Bull New York (@)
I know, I know: no one else rates Red Bull this low. And we all know about the defense. What I want to know is where these cats will find offense: Claudio Reyna, who is aging before my eyes? The doddering duo of Dave Van Den Bergh and Markus Schopp? (Wait, the latter is on the bench again, right?). They’ll probably right the ship, but, after enduring their game against New England, I can’t see how.

10. (9) Los Angeles Galaxy (idle)
The match report on the Galaxy’s loss to Tigres UNAL tells you everything you need to know. It’s bad. Writing as one of the (former) majority who expected LA to improve in the second half, suddenly I’m wondering about that.

11. (11) Colorado Rapids (idle)
Fire Fernando Clavijo, you dickheads. Not only does the team eat shit often as they play, but I’m hearing chatter to suggest Clavijo does a passable Dick Nixon. Look, you front office types, if you need someone to shit on your brand new stadium, hell, I’ll do it. Seeing as you dumped money into that thing, you shouldn’t be the ones doing it. For more, see what I’ve got to say about Chicago.

12. (13) Real Salt Lake (%)
Adding Kyle Beckerman should help this bunch. Not a lot, but I think he’ll help. They left their permanent dwelling in the shelter for that reason alone; at least they did something.

13. (12) Chicago Fire (1/2 of @)
Because I saw flashes of a competent team in the (horrible) loss to Houston, I tried - I mean, I really tried - to move these guys higher than Colorado; at least they had the wontons (brains? maybe...) to fire their coach. I still think they’ll improve, but, points collected excepted, they are statistically worse than Real Salt Lake; and that’s with RSL having a game in hand. Unbelievable.

God. Typing those last five entries was depressing. With #9 excepted, things don’t look much better in the current standings (here are the official ones):

Eastern Conference
1. N.E. Revs: 26 pts. (7-3-5: 26 GF, 17 GA, +9; home, 3-1-3; away, 4-2-2)
2. KC Wizards: 25 pts. (7-5-4: 27 GF, 22 GA, +4; home, 4-3-1; away, 3-2-3)
3. DC United: 24 pts. (7-5-3: 26 GF, 21 GA, +5; home, 4-1-2; away, 2-4-1)
4. Red Bull NY: 24 pts. (7-6-3: 25 GF, 21 GA, +4; home, 4-2-1; away, 3-4-2)
5. C’bus Crew: 22 pts. (5-5-7: 21 GF, 23 GA, -2; home, 4-1-4; away, 1-4-3)
6. Toronto FC: 19 pts. (5-7-4: 18 GF, 24 GA, -6; home, 4-3-0; away, 1-4-4)
7. Chicago Fire: 16 pts. (4-8-4: 13 GF, 26 GA, -13; home, 3-3-3; away, 1-5-1)

Western Conference
1. H'ton Dynamo: 33 pts. (10-5-3: 25 GF, 10 GA, +15; home, 4-2-1; away, 5-4-2)
2. FC Dallas: 30 pts. (9-6-3: 24 GF, 24 GA, 0; home, 4-2-1; away, 5-4-2)
3. Chivas USA: 24 pts. (7-5-3: 20 GF, 16 GA; +4; home, 6-0-1; away, 1-5-2)
4. Colo Rapids: 17 pts. (4-8-5: 14 GF, 22 GA, -8; home 2-3-4; away, 2-5-1)
5. LA Galaxy: 13 pts. (3-5-4: 17 GF, 18 GA, -1; home, 3-3-2; away, 0-2-2)
6. Real Salt Lake: 9 pts. (1-8-6: 12 GF, 24 GA, -12; home, 1-2-3; away, 0-3-3)

I Hate Beckham for Making Me Write This

“What I am saying is that the [David Beckham] media blitz is going to bring new meaning to the term overkill.”
- Ives Galarcep, Soccer by Ives, 07.13.07

That’s precisely what has me feeling a bit of ambivalence about adding to the frenzy - and that goes double with Posh in tow, who, the more I see of her, gives the impression that we’ve imported a second Paris Hilton...as if the first one wasn’t enough (I mean, look at her hamming in the damned silly photo on Galarcep’s post; I’m embarrassed for her). ESPN’s “front page” alone (which, sadly, will be gone by the end of the weekend at the latest) carries an image sufficiently over-the-top to tip my lunch “over-the-top” of my throat.

There’s good stuff and bad being written about Beckham’s arrival, some welcoming, some worried, and all shades of opinion in between. I’ll spare you from the jottings of soccer-hating meatheads, who predict this will be still another flash in the pan; they won’t admit defeat if the MLS Players’ Union bought the goddamn NFL and made them grounds-keepers at the local soccer-specific. But a guy named John Smallwood wrote an intelligent deflation of the Beckham hype for the Philadelphia Enquirer; contrary opinions defending Beckham the player, as well as Beckham the commodity, are pretty easy to come by, though. Hell, you can even find man-on-the-street quotes saying Beckham will be the Galaxy’s best player after Landon Donovan - which is just classic. I love my country sometimes.

With all the things being written, I have to confess that it was Frank Dell’Appa’s column for ESPN that provided the inspiration for me joining this orgy of speculation. His piece contained two of the more subtly novel talking points I’ve seen in all this; maybe that kind of clarity results when people keep asking you about what you think of Beckham's arrival. First, from the business perspective, Dell’Appa writes:

“Several high-powered potential investors are watching MLS closely, and some will be in Commerce City when the MLS All-Star team meets Celtic on Thursday. Their names are not Tom Cruise, but these are people whose transactions are found in the financial sections of newspapers, the ones who make most of their moves behind the scenes. And they are intrigued by MLS' possibilities.”

We all know about the people looking into buying Chicago, but it's the choice of the word “several” that catches the eye in that it implies still more people are looking. The news on the Chicago sale is interesting enough (are they investing to make home money or merely diversifying for shits-and-giggles?), but hints of wider interest are something else again. Without names being attached to teams, Dell’Appa’s assertion just kind of hangs there, to be sure, but that kind of talk gets one daydreaming.

But it was something Dell’Appa said about Beckham the player that really struck me, something I hadn’t, in all the months of thinking and reading about this, properly considered:

“And if Beckham stumbles, unable to cruise through an MLS opponent's tough tackling, barbed-wire midfield, it could reflect well on the league's level of play. Either way, people will be watching the league, analyzing it, regarding U.S. soccer on its own terms.”

For all the scenarios I considered in which Beckham flopped, this little upside never occurred to me. Beckham flopping could actually be a good thing? Well, don’t that beat all...

What do I think of all this? As someone who has followed soccer in the States since the early 1990s, I can safely say the scale and - this is crucial - the durability of the Beckham hype is like nothing I’ve seen before; the only thing that came close was the warm, fuzzy, yet brief embrace of the U.S. Women’s after the 1999 Women’s World Cup. I have to say that I don’t know that I like all this attention. Maybe it’s only because we have to hear Rob Stone say “Beckham” twelve times a minute, as he did in last night’s Primetime game; that was fucking ridiculous and I sincerely hope it never happens again. Then again, maybe it’s only because all this attention and all this hoopla surrounds just one player; maybe if the elevated chatter talked about the league, or even soccer, as a whole, I wouldn’t mind so much.

Whatever I think, it’s happening. And it’s not like I’m going to stop watching to get away from the hype. I mean, I’m going to watch the (damned) World Series of Soccer, whoops, Football next weekend just to see what Beckham looks like. So, try as I may, I’m clearly not immune. Off we go into the Wild Brit Yonder, right?

Finally - and I feel like an a-hole for burying this, ‘cause it made me laugh out loud when I read it - Laurie, from the inimitable LA Galaxy Offside, wrote up her thoughts after taking in the televised screening of Beckham’s Big Reveal. It’s full of good stuff - so, do go read the whole thing - but none of them topped this passage, which described the comments offered by LA Galaxy GM Alexi Lalas:

“– Lalas thanks the team, the “Galaxy family.” Because hell, yeah, I know I sell off my kids and buy new ones when they start to bore me.”

And, with that, I’ll anxiously wait to see what Beckham can do on Major League Soccer’s fields.

Week 14 Collective Rankings (& Fronting)

The Semi-Detached Pundit Collective (SDPC) returns after a week off; I think we’re all catching up after the Week 14 Cluster-fuck. We’re holding steady at nine power-ranking pundits (PPPs?) and, of course, On Soccer’s Scariness ratings (both Week 13 and 14) show up again introducing an element of predictive science - the impact of form on rankings - to the proceedings. I’ll link, as always, to The DCenters Freezer, despite the risk posed by introducing “anti-rankings” to the rest of the rankings.

Some things that occur to me appear after the numbers - and there are some interesting elements in here.

Here are the sources for this week’s SPDC rankings. I always forget to say this, but I'd encourage people to read the commentary; it tells you a lot about the author:

It’s a Simple Game
Sideline Views (Luis Bueno)
Sideline Views (Andrea Canales)
WVHooligan
My Soccer Blog
MLS Underground
ESPN
SI - Ryan Hunt
Fox Soccer Channel

Now, on to the numbers:

1. Houston Dynamo, 1.0 (last week: 2/3 - 2.4; SR: 1)
2. DC United, 2.8 (6th - 5.1; SR: 4)
3. FC Dallas, 3.3 (5th - 4.9; SR: 3)
4. New England Revolution, 4.0 (1st - 2.3; SR: 7)
5. Red Bull New York, 4.7 (2/3 - 2.4; SR: 10)
6. Kansas City Wizards, 6.6 (4th - 4.4; SR: 9)
7. Columbus Crew, 6.9 (8th - 8.0; SR: 2)
8. Chivas USA, 7.4 (7th - 7.4; SR: 8)
9. Toronto FC, 9.2 (9th - 8.4; SR: 5)
10. Los Angeles Galaxy, 10.0 (13th - 12.3; SR: 6)
11. Colorado Rapids, 10.8 (10th - 10.0; SR: 12)
12. Chicago Fire, 11.8 (11th - 11.7; SR: 13)
13. Real Salt Lake, 13.0 (12th - 12.0; SR: 11)

- Houston is the new, and undisputed, #1 - no shock there.

- Speaking of new and undisputed, Real Salt Lake racked up perfect “13s” for the first time in a while...congratulations, Mr. Kreis. And as ESPN pointed out, Kreis earned a contract extension for this. Um, wow.

- And, somehow, between today’s SPDC rankings and Week 12’s, LA climbed rather abruptly out of the basement...and I think they owe Brian Hall big for this.

- Opinion is split on a couple teams - KC and New England to name a couple - but no team has divided the punditry like Red Bull New York. They rank as high as #2 (Canales) and as low as #8 (me). (I suppose here’s where I should mention the Revs are nearly as baffling: I’ve got them at #2 while Bueno plugs them in at #7...in any case...) I think the scariness figure for Red Bull says a lot about their recent, very bad form; not to start an argument, but I’m wondering if people are clinging to early season memories when rating the New York franchise. Another possibility would be that I’m the outlier.

- By the way, anyone else see the pattern in the above-named teams? Yep. All three are Eastern Conference teams.

- The past two weeks’ big movers? Crap. Take yer pick and note they go both ways. That said, TFC's slip is a little surprising given they've finally showed a spark on the road.

- Except on the bottom: six of the nine pundits in the survey view rank the Rapids, the Fire and RSL, 11, 12, and 13, respectively (and I’m one! Yeah, me!). None of these teams moved a whole lot, which kind of confirms the suckiness.

- Since I started the bastardry above with the comments about New York, below are the weirdest choices made in the other pundits’ work, as judged by me (and, for those named, please feel free to stick up for your choice; it will make us all smarter):

Me, first: The implied homerism of my Revs’ pick; the Red Bull pick.
WVHooligan: Holy shit. He matches the collective exactly. Read him.
SI: Also pretty sane...the asshole.
Fox Soccer: KC at #8 and Columbus at #5, the latter is particularly odd.
Bueno: New England at #7? Red Bull at #3?
Canales: Red Bull at #2? Arguably, DC at #5?
ESPN: Red Bull over Dallas throws me a little...
My Soccer Blog: This man loves TFC (#7) and doesn’t think much of KC (#9).
MLS Underground: Not exact, but matches the collective closely.

I'll start the defenses: I think Red Bull's dive is real - e.g. that there's something wrong. The Revs, on the other hand, will do fine...and I kinda hate them for it. That is all.

Top 5, 07.11: Lalas Responds*; Great v. Good; Johnson Flying Away?

* To be clear, LA Galaxy GM did not, in any way, respond directly to anything written in this space...I think he only goes after the Brits...

- May as well lead with Alexi: Mark Ziegler spent some time with both Lalas and LA head coach, Frank Yallop - though probably not in the same room. Ziegler got some quotes that might explain the apparent spazzing in LA to the outside world:

“'There is the conventional wisdom that you ride the storm out and let things settle, and certainly there's a time and place for that,' Lalas says. 'But we didn't think this was the time or place for that.'"

“'We wanted to identify players who we felt would enjoy and be able to perform in a high pressure situation,' Lalas says. 'It doesn't necessarily mean it's the best player. It's a very specific type of player we need. We need players who are strong mentally, who can withstand the pressure of playing with eyes of the world on them.'”

Thanks, Alexi. We'll take that under advisement out here....still looks like spazzing....

- Speaking of LA, Jay Hutcherson of USSoccerplayers.com had a thing or two to say about how he views LA thus far (can't link to anything but the general address for Hutcherson's blog...still waiting on permalinks for the site's blogs):

"It's odd watching a team in obvious transition. The Galaxy don't play as a unit. Half the team operates as if they have no clue what to expect, and this didn't suddenly happen - the result of too many trades and an off night in Virginia."

"Maybe this is the step too far, or at least too soon, turning the Galaxy into the touring version of the Cosmos revisited minus the depth. How does this team plus added superstar concentrate on league and exhibition schedules when they can't keep it together for 90 minutes?"

This is what the Alexi-era has wrought. A good thing?

- OK, one more LA thing, then I'll leave it alone. Someone, anyone, please for the love of a god who supports things good and decent and doesn't take live puppies for sacrifice, please tell me that the logo that Mike H posted on My Soccer Blog is not the Galaxy's new, official logo. That is more than "a little Star Trek-inspired." That is a sign they'll be sporting 90s-themed body suits by 2010.

- A line written by Ken Pendleton in his celebration of Adu hits on something massive:

"Moments of inspiration are often what separates the winners from the losers at the highest level. Good tactics and hard work are not always enough. You have to have players who can do something unorthodox or unexpected, like Adu did to set up the winning goal against Brazil. He received the ball from a throw-in with his back to the goal and two defenders closing in. Most coaches would have instructed their players to make the simple pass back to the person who made the throw-in (Zizzo), or to try to win a corner by knocking the ball off one of the markers, but Adu opened up the Brazilian defense because he had the audacity to try to beat both markers by playing keepie-uppie."

This same notion has been rattling around my head for a while now and I'd take it one step farther: the simple pass is always there, or nearly always at least, plain as day to everyone in the stands; but, as much as it means to winning, the aesthetic side matters too. I mean, we watch the game to see players do these things; they're paid to play because they can do those things and that's why we pay to watch professional athletes. This stuff is huge.

On a related point, I move that we start referring to Adu simply as "Adu." I don't care whether you think he deserves it or not; we're free to crown our icons on our own terms. Who's with me! Huzzah!!

- Crap...rambling...sorry. This last one's quick: MLS Underground reported a rumor that England's Derby County (that's the right name, isn't it?) wants to sign Kansas City's Eddie Johnson. They can have him. Maybe it'll help...but I'd recommend strongly against holding your breath.

Houston's Loss, LA's Loss: The Meaning of Top-Flight

While most the attention seems to be going to the LA Galaxy crashing out by the head of the Richmond Kickers’ David Bulow, Houston’s loss to the Charleston Battery strikes me as the bigger news. Maybe it’s, as Fox Soccer put it (in a great headline), Richmond’s “third-tier” status versus the Galaxy’s oxygen-sucking hype - but, against that, you have things like LA’s loss to a ten-man Columbus to make sense of these things. Houston could point to their second-string line-up, but that’s kind of a bullshit excuse...your either top-flight or you’re not. So, Tuesday, July 10 was a pretty good night for America’s lower division clubs - they almost got New England as well. And pretty good for the Open Cup But it points to the familiar problem of MLS trying to maintain top-flight league’s status and schedule on second-tier budgets.

In that context, LA’s loss to Richmond plays a little against type. For starters, I think LA actually did want to win this one: I can’t see why else they’d risk starters, for even half the game, if they wanted to throw it away - and that applies, even if half the team might be quietly smiling about a couple days off down the road. But Landon Donovan called out his team using words he didn’t have to - go get ‘em, you thinning wonder - which either suggests disappoint or it merely reinforces the sense that LA needs positives badly enough that they’ll take anything. It’s been said plenty of times that LA is working their players with all the tenderness of a pimp and last night’s game only served as the latest example; a half a game here or there isn’t going to save their top players much with exhibitions filling in every possible gap left in an already-stuffed schedule.

Turning now to Houston, I had a hell of a time finding the starting line-ups - at least while I was looking - but everyone makes clear that Houston’s best got a breather in this one. The game still sounded like a good one - especially for both ‘keepers - and the hundreds of Charleston fans went home happy; good stuff, all. But the team Houston fielded, more than LA’s line-up choices at least, resurrected the old case about Major League Soccer (MLS) clubs failing to take the Lamar Hunt U.S. Open Cup seriously.

The question is, which of these teams made the right call: Houston for resting key players, or LA for killing theirs? More to the point, where do the following factors break: the number of quality soccer players in the U.S. versus the number of quality players an MLS club can afford to carry on their roster? With the number of games MLS clubs play, and given how condensed the schedule can be, it’s inevitable they have to do a little prioritizing of the games and look for players down the bench for games that seem less pressing. In other words, I side with Houston.

That’s where the question of the overall, U.S. player pool comes into play. If there are simply a limited number of top-quality players in the U.S. - e.g. in numbers that would match the Portland Timbers’ Tom Poltl’s figure of four to six per MLS roster - then it’s not so surprising that USL-1 and USL-2 teams, comprised of players with talent comparable to the outer reaches of MLS benches, would win Open Cup games with pretty regularly; after all, between two teams of roughly equal players, the guys that play together competitively most often should have an advantage.

But if the American player pool is deep enough to build 13 (soon to be 16?) top-flight teams, MLS really needs to consider either paying the depth-pool well enough to keep them in MLS, or to expand the rosters to help make the often grueling MLS schedule (just add exhibitions!) more manageable. Sure, other alternatives are out there - e.g. moving the Open Cup outside the regular season to allow teams to prioritize it - but, assuming the schedule stays the same, or even if it changes to accommodate international tournaments (to which, face it, the Open Cup will take a back seat), rejiggering MLS rosters to help them cope with the Open Cup remains the only remedy I can think.

Why, you might ask, should the powers-that-be be interested in helping MLS? Because top-flight should mean just that: MLS teams should be the best teams and winning against them should look a lot more like Richmond’s win over LA than Charleston’s win over half-Houston.

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"Fire Alexi" Post Redux

I don't know much about blogging, but I do know that when I walk away from something I posted and keep thinking of better ways to make my point that I posted a bunch of gibberish.

As much as I like bits and pieces of my original post on the reported chilly tiff between LA Galaxy GM Alexi Lalas and LA head coach Frank Yallop, here's another, shorter, better (peanut-butter sandwich cookie) crack at it.

Santino Quaranta, a player deemed either surplus or irrelevant to requirements in LA, ain't exactly a neutral observer, but the fire-sale mentality seizing the Galaxy front office is there for all to see. Further, something clearly isn't right in LA's half of the Home Depot Center. After the players - who normally don't get cut down like the loose women in horror movies as they are now - the likeliest culpable parties include the general manager, who stocks the team with players, or the coach, who decides which of said players hit the field on game day and it what formation, etc.

Regarding Lalas and Yallop, one of these men has a record to boast of, while the other does not: Yallop has two titles with San Jose, while Lalas has two stints in the GM position, one with the MetroStars and the current gig with LA, in which he proved better at moving personnel than building a competitive roster. Given that, it seems likelier that Lalas is the problem...an impression backed up by the player merry-go-round he has currently set on "dizzy." By the time the old players get on the same page as the new players, newer ones replace them. At this rate, LA will "know itself" some time around Week 25. That doesn't seem like a bbq recipes for success, never mind a situation in which a coach can operate.

Anyway, that's all I wanted to say in the original. You'll find links and a couple decent phrases in there, but that's about it.

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End Scene with Lalas Emptying His Desk

When Ives Galarcep posted chatter about a rift between LA Galaxy head coach Frank Yallop and general manager Alexi Lalas, at least one interested party quickly picked up on the story. My Soccer Blog directed me to the latest comments from Santino Quaranta, who had a thing or two to say what things looked like during his time in LA - who, if you'll recall (and I can't find the original article) was once quoted just days before being traded as viewing LA's locker room something like freaked-out.

Now, just because I once called Lalas "a tool" some may suggest I'm biased against the man. Not at all - and I did leave out the word "gigantic." The main thing is, I find Lalas useful in the same way as the reflectors on my pedals keep me from getting hit by cars at night: he's good for getting people's attention and that's about it. He's only GM material in the sense that he doesn't mind being a bastard.

Still, given where they sit in the standings, it's hard to say things are going well for LA. Perhaps Yallop is part of the problem - though his record in San Jose, which was good enough to get him hired as head coach to Canada's national team, argues against that. Perhaps it's the instability, something that might grow from the panicked atmosphere Quaranta describes and the trading at a pace that reminds me of my (extremely high-risk, often-wretched pay-out) approach to Monopoly.

In other words, if sides must be taken in this one (and, clearly, they don't), I'm on Yallop's. My advice: fire Alexi, let the team settle down a bit, and see what happens. (I'm not a cruel man, though. Lalas' provocateur schtick would do so well in a column; in fact, I think that's his calling (though would Greg Lalas view this as his brother muscling into his turf?). Worst case, hand the man some plastic bags, dress him down a bit and have him yell his opinions at heavily-trafficked street corners. Oh, fine...you can pay him for it.)

Toward the end of his post, Galarcep gets into what might happen if LA fails to make the playoffs. Galarcep figures both men would be vulnerable, though I'd like to think just Alexi would go, seeing as so much of the mess in LA coincided with his watch. But the more interesting question is what happens if the Galaxy does make the playoffs. Would Ghosts of the 2005-06 Off-Season lead to a renewed round of spazzing or would the front office stand pat as they so fatefully did back then?

With Alexi at the wheel, I'm seeing more spazzing. I think it's all the man knows how to do.

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Jaqua for Gray: Um...what?

The news: Nate Jaqua goes to the Houston Dynamo and Kelly Gray to the Los Angeles Galaxy, as reported late last night in the Houston Chronicle.

Since I'm not the first to comment on the trade that sent - fittingly, Laurie at the Los Angeles Galaxy Offside has already weighed in, closing with a plea to end the trading madness - let me be the most ornery.

LA made out on this one. A Galaxy team struggling to do much of anything well picks up a player who can plug holes nearly anywhere on the field - including even getting on the end of a Beckham cross if needs be - and plug them pretty well. Going the other way, the Dynamo picks up Nate "Gawkus Maximux" Jaqua, a man whose last goal - the only one this year, by the way - came off an as yet unconfirmed body part that was not his foot or head. And they gave a second-round pick to the Galaxy? I'm not seeing it.

Maybe Ching's lingering injuries prompted the move; maybe they're worse than we all (or at least I) think. Maybe Jaqua will rediscover the form from his Chicago days; the Dynamo's style - which features lots of crosses and set-plays - certainly plays to Jaqua's strengths of battling in the six and cleaning up scraps. Supposing this will happen, though, represents the triumph of hope over experience. I can't see this helping Houston...LA, on the other hand, may finally have gotten away with something (as opposed to continuing the 2007 tradition of self-sabotage).

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MLS Week 12 Collective Power Rankings

The Semi-Detached Pundit Collective (SDPC) lost a couple this week; I never saw ranking for The Other Football or Soccer by Ives - the latter is really slipping (though he said, through a spokesman*, that the Gold Cup and the Copa are keeping him too busy) (* I have never corresponded in any way with Mr. Galarcep - unless commenting on his site counts - and don’t believe he even has a spokesman; so, yeah, I made that up.)

Here are the sources for this week’s SPDC rankings:

It’s a Simple Game
Sideline Views (Luis Bueno)
Sideline Views (Andrea Canales)
WVHooligan
My Soccer Blog
MLS Underground
ESPN
SI - Ryan Hunt
Fox Soccer Channel

And, once again, The DCenters Freezer (kinda like reverse rankings) merits honorable mention, as do the conference-based rankings provided by Who Ate All the Cupcakes. Dan Loney’s weekly rankings make the list today (though they weren’t plugged into the numbers below) courtesy of my admiration for his use of educational attainment as the means of ranking. Finally, I lifted the scariness rating for each team from On Soccer and entered that number after their collective ranking...I keep forgetting to check that out as a predictor...maybe he’ll do it one day.

Now, on to the numbers:

1. New England Revolution, 2.3 (4th - 4.3; SR: 2)
2/3. Houston Dynamo, 2.4 (7th - 6.5; SR: 1)
2/3. Red Bull New York, 2.4 (2nd - 2.6; SR: 8)
4. Kansas City Wizards, 4.4 (last week: 1st - 1.1; SR: 5)
5. FC Dallas, 4.9 (6th - 6.4; SR: 6)
6. DC United, 5.1 (3rd - 2.7; SR: 3)
7. Chivas USA, 7.4 (5th - 5.5; SR: 9)
8. Columbus Crew, 8.0 (12th - 11.5; SR: 4)
9. Toronto FC, 8.4 (8th - 7.3; SR: 7)
10. Colorado Rapids, 10.0 (9th - 9.1; SR: 13)
11. Chicago Fire, 11.7 (10th - 10.3; SR: 12)
12. Real Salt Lake, 12.0 (13th - 12.9; SR: 5)
13. Los Angeles Galaxy, 12.3 (11th - 10.8; SR: 11)

Some observations:

- We have a new consensus pick for worst team in MLS. Puke and cry, Alexi Lalas! Puke and cry!!

- The Colorado Rapids are your unanimous #10 pick...that’s not a good thing.

- Things look good for the Crew, on the other hand, whom the SDPC has officially judged to be a playoff team. Obviously, the Crew are also this week’s major climbers; they gained 3.5, which might be the biggest-ever jump in these rankings.

- Whoops. I take it back. The Dynamo rose 4.1. Yikes.

- Going the other way, pundits punished DC severely for the slip against RSL.

- As the season staggers (hey, it’s summer) to its midway point, the league’s teams seem be breaking into three groups: the top 6, the bubble teams of 7-9, and the apparent no-hopers from 11-13. You may have noticed that Colorado doesn’t fit into this scheme - yes, they are special.

- With regard to that top six, their inclusion in that group was universal (only Andrea Canales of Sideline Views plugged a top six team outside that range in their rankings - and it was DC United in Canales list). But look at what’s happening with the top three in the collective rankings: they’re essentially neck-and-neck, which says a lot about what this league knows from dominance as a concept. For the record, the Dynamo’s numbers were most tightly clustered, but New England gathered more #1 rankings than the other two; Red Bull snuck in by balancing their two 4’s against two 1’s. It’ll be interesting to see which team in this group breaks out.

- The Revolution’s climb is interesting. Their homestand kinda sucked, but they still climbed quite a bit (2.0). I’d put that down to them gaining the top spot and the stumbles of their competitors, as opposed to meaningful signs of life from New England. But competition is competition: you don’t always have to win to gain ground in a league set up.

All right. All for this week. There are some interesting times ahead.

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OPEN CUP: Only the Future Matters Now

As all y'all know by now, the second round of the Lamar Hunt U.S. Toshiba Electronics Head-On Topical Analgesic Open Cup (let's see, that's LHUSTEH-OTAOC) wrapped up last night. And I'm sad to report that the only amateur team remaining in the tournament - Bavarian SC - didn't make it through last night...I hate you Carolina Railhawks...

You can find all the scores here, but it's The Big Board that tells us what happens next - e.g. who's playing what Major League Soccer (MLS) team (NOTE: I decided a bit ago that I have to stick with MLS, U.S. Men's news to prevent Mission Creep). And, to give full credit where it's due, Mike H over on My Soccer Blog provided the excellent service of stating where, specifically each third round game will go down.

With those resources at hand, here are my candidates for third-round upsets (and may they happen):

Rochester Raging Rhinos v. New England Revolution
I only say this because it's happened before...2005, if I'm not mistaken. (Yep, I'm mistaken...it was 2004.)

Richmond Kickers v. LA Galaxy
Have you seen LA's road record this year? Hell, have you seen LA?

Carolina Railhawks v. Chicago Fire
It's Chicago, so why not?

Anyway, I'm sure other upsets are possible - I mean, on their day, Colorado and FC Dallas could lose to a team of blind, one-legged orphans - but, in all honesty, I'm thinking LA has most reason to be nervous....though it sounds like they are already plenty nervous.

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MLS Week 12 Power Rankings (Just Mine)

I give up. Just when you think one - just one - Major League Soccer (MLS) team can hold their shit together and do a decent imitation of consistency, they spend 90 minutes running around with their pants around their ankles. It seems the Annual Mush of Sweaty Mediocrity (your people call it “summer”) has arrived.

For the record, the entire middle portion of these rankings was arrived at by writing each teams name on a piece of paper, scrambling those around my desk, and flipping them over in random order. OK, that’s a lie. But I don’t think that would produce less accurate, or even meaningful, results. In broad terms, some teams have noticeably improved - think Columbus and Houston here - while others revived their fortunes, but not without tripping over some question marks (New England); other teams suffered mysterious slips, thereby stitching big red question marks over those rainbows on their jerseys...the allusion should be obvious here.

As always, last week’s ranking appears in parentheses immediately after this week’s ranking. So as to not misrepresent my judgment as entirely first-hand, here’s a key for my viewing: “@” means I watched a given team’s most recent performance in its entirety; “$” means I caught it through Quick Kicks, which provides extended highlights; “%” means I watched only the rump highlights available through MLSnet.com.

Here goes...and after the rankings, you’ll find a current listing of the standings for the permanent record.

1. (6) Houston Dynamo (% + nada)
They have out-scored the opposition 11-3 over the past five, racking up five wins on the way; that counts two away games as well. That constitutes a roll in my world. To top it all off, they’ve got Dallas next weekend, who they not only generally own, but, given that they won last weekend, should be due a loss this weekend.

2. (1) DC United (%)
In spite of what I read (all over the place), I’ll give DC the benefit of the doubt and call this weekend a brain-fart...but I also couldn’t leave them at #1 after they let RSL break their hot, steamy duck all over them.

3. (5) New England Revolution (@)
Yep, they’re officially top of the league. But it was a graceless win against a Toronto team apparently confused about being away from home. The finishing was there, but not much else. But they’re indisputably doing better than most (and, I just discovered, they’ve tied for scoring lead and have the best goal differential...hmm...).

4. (4) Red Bull New York (idle)
Holding steady...but they’ll drop quickly if they don’t sort out their defense.

5. (8) FC Dallas (far too much of @)
Unconvincing (and harrowingly boring) wins look a lot less impressive when bookended by losses - as this one will be (see above). The reality is, Dallas isn’t as erratic as I think, but the games-played “bubble” on which they’re sitting keeps me from thinking too much of them. Then again, their away record makes up for that. Very confusing team, this one.

6. (2) Kansas City Wizards ($ + nada)
Speaking of teams needing to sort out defense, KC is the real case-study for this. No doubt KC wishes Week 12 never happened. The picture looks a lot less rosy now that the offense has dried up.

7. (9) Columbus Crew ($ + $)
It’s only due to a belief that the “real” Columbus has shown up that I’m able to rank them inside the playoff picture. But the Crew’s two wins in Week 12 justifiably raise eyebrows - that each raises them for different reasons only reinforces the impression this team could be finding their feet.

8. (3) Chivas USA (%)
My previous, ridiculous ranking has more to do with this drop than the four-goal loss. Still, a score of Brad Davis 3 - 0 Chivas USA doesn’t look so hot. I’ll actually have to watch these guys this weekend to figure out what to do with ‘em.

9. (7) Toronto FC (@)
I can only say, the hell was that? If these guys don’t figure out how to avoid blowouts on the road, goal differential alone will keep them out of the post-season.

10. (11) Colorado Rapids (far too much of @)
They may not be the worst team in the league - so many good candidates below - but they’re pushing hard for “Team I’d Least Like to Watch” honors. It’s a shame what’s happening in Colorado; this year promised so much.

11. (10) Los Angeles Galaxy ($)
Ahem...ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, HA!! 60 minutes with a man advantage - and against Columbus! Landon can’t arrive soon enough; neither can Pavon or Beckham. Incredibly, they may not be enough (though I think they will be).

12. (13) Real Salt Lake (%)
Robbie Findley (a good Oregon lad!) finally kicked the winless monkey off this team’s back. Better still, they catch something of a break in hosting Toronto this weekend (dammit! what to watch?!). Can they make it two? Do RSL fans dare to dream?

13. (12) Chicago Fire (idle)
I think I just don’t like Chicago. That the coming cavalry runs “exactly like elderly men run,” and the players sounding unsettled-to-pissed, things aren’t looking everywhere but up.

Please, lord, no more...it’s madness. Let’s do something concrete, like the standings (official edition here):

Eastern Conference
1. New England Revs: 22 pts. (6-2-4: 24 GF, 14 GA, +10; home, 3-1-2; away, 3-1-2)
2. Red Bull New York: 21 pts. (6-3-3: 24 GF, 15 GA, +9; home, 4-1-1; away, 2-2-2)
3. Kansas City Wiz: 20 pts. (6-4-2: 23 GF, 18 GA, +5; home, 3-2-0; away, 3-2-2)
4. DC United: 17 pts. (5-4-2: 18 GF, 16 GA, +2; home, 4-1-1; away, 1-3-1)
5. Columbus Crew: 15 pts. (3-4-6: 17 GF, 21 GA, -4; home, 2-1-4; away, 1-3-2)
6. Chicago Fire: 14 pts. (4-6-2: 12 GF, 19 GA, -7; home, 3-2-1; away, 1-3-1)
7. Toronto FC: 13 pts. (4-7-1: 14 GF, 21 GA, -7; home, 4-3-0; away, 0-4-1)

Western Conference
1. FC Dallas: 25 pts. (8-6-1: 19 GF, 21 GA, -2; home, 3-2-0; away, 5-4-1)
2. Houston Dynamo: 22 pts. (7-5-1: 16 GF, 10 GA, +6; home, 4-2-1; away, 3-3-0)
3. Chivas USA: 17 pts. (5-4-2: 15 GF, 12 GA; +3; home, 4-0-1; away, 1-4-1)
4. Colorado Rapids: 15 pts. (4-6-3: 13 GF, 17 GA, -4; home 2-2-3; away, 2-4-0)
5. Los Angeles Galaxy: 9 pts. (2-5-3: 13 GF, 16 GA, -3; home, 2-3-1; away, 0-2-2)
6. Real Salt Lake: 9 pts. (1-5-6: 11 GF, 19 GA, -8; home, 1-2-3; away, 0-3-3)

Marshall to TFC, Buddle to LAG - Hmmm...

Though I've got to be the last guy to comment on this trade, the essential weirdness of it compels me to comment on it.

As all y'all already know, the Los Angeles Galaxy and Toronto FC completed a trade today that sent defender Tyrone Marshall to the latter in exchange for sending forward Edson Buddle to the former. By now, I've read views that like this from LA's point of view or that like it from Toronto's (albeit with heavy dissent in the comments). As for me, I'm elsewhere on this...as in, why did this trade happen at all?

Toronto does pick up some defensive depth, but, as everyone points out, they're getting a player who seems past it - if not well past it (at least Marshall is not suspended...at least not yet anyway). I've been pretty impressed with Toronto coach Mo Johnston's more recent moves (e.g. Cunningham for Eskandarian, as well as bringing in Wynne and Kevin Goldthwaite), but does Marshall constitute a genuine improvement on their current crop of defenders? If so, not by much.

Going the other way, LA - a team that can't score reliably - picked up a forward....who can't score reliably?

I don't get it...

(########)

More MLS Week 10: Games Watched and Unwatched

Starting with the unobserved game (though I did watch the highlights)...

Chicago Fire 0 - 1 Chivas USA
- Having not watched this game, I can't judge the evening authoritatively, but...if those were the highlights, this one wasn't much.
- Based on what I saw, though, Chivas deserved the win. And it looked like Maykel Galindo, again, shined for the California side.
- Has Dave Sarachan been fired yet? Is he preparing a letter to the front office about "wanting to spend more time with his family?" If not, is there perhaps someone who can write this for him?
- Seriously, after starting the season 3-0-1, Chicago has gone 1-5-1, adding only four points over - wow - seven games. Four points out of 21 sucks.
- Worse, apart from a couple decent turns in dangerous places by Chad Barrett, they simply didn't look all that threatening.
- Grim, grim times in Chicago.

Turning now, to what I endured this morning...

FC Dallas 3 - 1 Los Angeles Galaxy
- Speaking of hot seats, I'm betting blisters are building Frank Yallop's ass.
- While neither team looked sharp - especially in the first half - LA was downriight DIRE. By the second half they were FEEBLE, TIRED...just awful.
- What separated Dallas from LA, though - or, rather, who - Juan Carlos Toja. His ability to shield the ball, keep his head up and make passes that maintain possession and switch the attack all at once just stood out on a men among boys level.
- Returning to LA's second half, the rot is growing fatal. Either this team is utterly demoralized...or they just plain suck. How many passes went miles off target, and how many straight to Dallas players? With their players rarely connecting, LA got steamrolled by opposition doing quite a bit of misfiring of their own.
- A real mystery to me came with why Yallop didn't sub out Tyrone Marshall, who was clearly hobbling, far sooner. In a sense, the clumsy and brutal tackle that wiped out Kenny Cooper was an accident waiting to happen. Limping and straining for twenty minutes prior - at least - Marshall knew he couldn't keep up...and so he fouled him. Cooper paid an awful price for that.
- Oh, the irony of the Joe Cannon trade. It's not that the talk of him being the "missing piece" for LA hasn't proved accurate; it's only that, instead of helping the team maintain wins, he's preventing LA from suffering blowouts.
- After Cannon, if there was a man of the match for LA, it was - sadly - Nate Jaqua. Martino might get honorable mention, but he was largely anonymous. Jaqua could at least hold up the ball in Dallas' third.
- On the Dallas goals, even if the first might have been offside (I didn't think it was) and call for the PK that made the second was harsh, Dallas was simply the better team.
- To be clear, though, that's not saying much. Dallas had their share of high, searching (read: wayward) balls.
- At least Dallas improved as the game went on. Pablo Ricchetti, especially, pushed into the attack to great effect in the second half - so maybe Steve Morrow deserves some credit for making adjustments at the half, I don't know. One sequence in the second half, though, where Dallas just danced through the LA midfield and rushed onto their defense - this was the sequence that ended with Kenny Cooper running onto a pretty back-heel from Michael Saragosa - revealed the extent to which one team improved as the game progressed, while the other collapsed.
- I feel sorry for David Beckham. Really. The English press may be piping a lot of bullshit about MLS hurting Beckham's game, but, badly as LA is playing, they may yet have a point.